My story

Copied from “Foundations for the Spiritually Inclined“. Published in the National Library of New Zealand, 2026.

Here’s a far too exhaustive summary of some of my pivotal life moments, and some formative experiences as well, if you were at all curious.

Background

To start things off, I was born in Palmerston North, New Zealand, on the 25^th of January 1971.

My parents were born and raised in Guernsey, a small island that’s part of the Channel Islands, located in the English Channel. 

Dad’s ambition to play top-tier football in England, for Portsmouth FC to be exact, was scuttled when the then amateur competition only paid perhaps £15 a week, which wouldn’t have been enough to survive on financially.  That worked out well though as my parents decided to emigrate to New Zealand in the 1960’s to settle down.  Along with my older brother, my older sister, and myself, we were a family of five.

Most of my family live in New Zealand, while I have other close relatives back in Guernsey, as well as Australia, Germany, England, and Scotland.  We use online chat and social media posts to keep in touch, nothing unusual there of course.

I have been all the way to Guernsey three times, first with all five of us when I was six (Star Wars at the cinema was a highlight), sixteen just with mum and dad (and a badly sprained ankle), and twenty-one on my own for just a couple of days while on holiday in Europe with a couple of friends.

We lived in my birthplace of Palmerston North until I was five, and then we all moved to the Wellington region to a valley named Wainuiomata, where I went to my first school.  Then dad started a new job, so we moved to Christchurch, and we lived there for three years.

Dad’s work then took us back to the lower North Island again, for a couple of years, specifically Lower Hutt, then Christchurch again for a short amount of time, then returning to Lower Hutt for six years from the age of eleven, then moving to Upper Hutt in 1990.

Education

I have a lasting memory of a school in Christchurch where for the eight months I was there I had absolutely no friends, and I was desperately lonely.  Lunchtimes sitting by myself in the library drawing and passing time.  Not a huge trauma to speak of, I guess, but I was only about nine, it was heart wrenching, and my heart goes out to any girl or boy of any age, even adults, who find themselves in that situation.

In Lower Hutt, part of the Wellington region, we lived in Kelson, a hill suburb, and I usually walked to school unless it was raining or unpleasant, or if I was just feeling lazy and I could get away with it.  It was a 40-minute walk, and I struck up a couple of wonderful long-term friendships along the way which made school, and after school, much more enjoyable.

Coming home from Naenae Intermediate and then Naenae College was quite arduous going up the hill, especially on very hot days, but we were never in any great hurry anyway, and there was a dairy halfway up the hill to enjoy a treat or two if we had some money.  At one stage a friend and I even spent time running up and down the hill just because we thought it would be a good idea, and it was definitely his idea, but that didn’t last long.

Time in intermediate school was spent attending classes, looking forward to lunchbreaks where we would play tag-ball, sports in general, and when the fad was there, to see how many marbles we could win off each other.  I was useless and lost mine in minutes, and decided to never play again.

My teacher in form two (year 8, 1983) was married to an All Black, although she had to leave halfway through the year to have a baby, who turned out to be the very talented New Zealand singer songwriter Brooke Fraser.  Special moment!

During my school years I was obsessed with drawing cartoons, from school projects to complete multi-page comics, which continued for four or five years, from intermediate into college.  I drew scores of pages which I still have to this day, but I eventually let that go for an interest in computers.  I even drew one complete book of cartoons to help fundraise for Telethon, and it made it onto TV!

I can honestly say there was some “divine intervention” happening as dad won a really great computer through his work for being New Zealand’s top vehicle salesperson for his company.  It was such a special moment for me.  Perhaps it could have been a gaming machine, but it was something far more useful, exciting, and engaging, and learning to code in BASIC and later Assembler (Machine code) became my new passion, coding my own games and so much more – before the Internet even existed.

It set me up for life to be honest, from there becoming pretty much obsessed with computers.  All my friends had computers as well, mostly different makes and models to mine though, but that was a blessing as otherwise I would have wasted most of my time on nonsense, copying cassette tapes and playing games until 3am, and I would have got nothing constructive or creative done.

It was probably one of the reasons I wasn’t as focused at college as I should have been, just scraping through most of my exams, as my mind was often occupied with the computer games and graphics I was designing.  But at least it was something creative and intellectually stimulating I guess.

I studied the usual obligatory classes in forms three and four (i.e. Maths, English, Science etc.), and also Tech Drawing, and in the fifth form I began taking Computer Studies classes which I excelled at.  I didn’t get on that well with my Computer Studies teacher actually, it has to be said.  I was good at my work, but he knew my ego was a bit inflated with me thinking I could help out my classmates just as well as he could.

I also took fifth form art, and I passed my fifth form School Certificate qualification with a little bit of room to spare, but then most did.  In the sixth form (year 13), I failed to pass the Sixth Form Certificate, so naturally I was disappointed when I found out that even with my best efforts my results were pretty average.  The exception was that I was second best in the school for Computer Studies.  Ahh, those assembly hall exams and BBC Micro days…

I had various sporting interests during my college years.  I won a tennis trophy at my club for the most improved junior, and I often played tennis with a friend or two during lunch breaks, bringing our tennis rackets from home, with inter-school and club competitions as well.  Handball during lunchbreaks was a favourite.  It was so simple I think that was why it was so appealing.

I was also part of the school badminton team and would sometimes be driven after school to various other schools and locations to compete, thanks to my wonderful maths teacher who was also our coach.

I think I managed one or two games of outdoor cricket, but then I couldn’t see very well as I was so self-conscious I was terrified to wear my glasses.  I still managed a six though!  Staying overnight at a friend’s house he told me to shut up because I couldn’t stop talking about it – and thank goodness he did!

I enjoyed playing table tennis when I could, and I played backgammon and belonged to the school backgammon club which I enjoyed too.  I still have that backgammon set even now, which I’d love to dust off and be inspired to play once again if I could find an opponent who could also give me a refresh of the rules.

I wasn’t very athletic, and I wasn’t that keen on contact sports either as I was always a bit chicken, afraid I would come out second-best and be squashed, so it’s all probably just as well.  Signing sporting equipment in and out on lunchbreaks happened occasionally.  Ahh, the simple school days!

I wanted to leave school before I began the seventh form (year 14), as my heart wasn’t in the whole “structured education” thing anymore.  I applied to do a computer course at Wellington Polytechnic, and even though my exam results were 98% for year 13 computer studies, I wasn’t accepted.

This was perfect, so perfect, as better things were to come, even though I have no idea to this day how someone who is second in the school for computers, scoring 98%, could be rejected for a computer course.

I was told my maths and English wasn’t good enough, and I imagine they had set criteria, but I prefer “divine intervention” as an explanation….  If I had been accepted it would have been an absolute nightmare!

Work

In 1988 my father found a job vacancy notice asking for trainee computer operators for the Government Computing Service (as it was known then).  I applied for the job, and along with several others was given an aptitude test to see if any of us would be suitable.  The building was daunting, an absolute monolith.

I received a letter not long afterwards saying that they would keep me on file, which was disappointing, but there was nothing I could do about it.

I knew I would have to get a job otherwise return to school for the seventh form, and my father basically mandated that school was the only other option.  Job or school, it was as simple as that.

I think it might have been dad again, he was (and still is looking down on me) a Godsend.  He found a job vacancy from Westpac Bank looking for trainee bank-officers.  I applied for the job, went for the interview, and was successful.  It was in the big city, Wellington, on Lambton Quay, and at seventeen with train travel every day I took it all in my stride.

Initially, I found the days long and very tiring as I wasn’t used to working full time, but the people were great and after a few weeks I was reassigned to the “ledgers” department and the job became more interesting.  I got used to the hours, and I continued to learn – and I got paid!

I made some great friends, and occasionally a chocolate fish would be sent through the internal mail to say thanks for something, all good fun and everyone always seemed to be in good spirits – each of us young and full of the joys of life.

The social aspect was “interesting”, good fun again, with cheap (and too many) drinks every Friday night, and a group of us even travelled up north to Whakapapa, a world class ski area, which I barely managed to survive after having a minor mishap or two, but it was such an incredibly memorable experience.  I can sense the snow even now.

The whole time I worked at Westpac no one knew that I wore glasses.  I was so self-conscious I never put them on, let alone take them to work with me.  God only knows how I managed to get away with that!  A miracle for sure.

My bad eyesight was identified when I was eleven, quite late in life I think, and as a result I never felt comfortable with the whole “four eyes” thing.  I tried contact lenses when I was about nineteen, gee that’s nine years of being completely self-conscious, but I discovered while I was at the optometrist that I had an eye condition which meant they weren’t an option.  It’s a different story these days though, all those insecurities are gone, thankfully.

Eight months into the job at the bank I was thrilled to receive a letter from the Government Computing Service (GCS) asking if I would like to meet for an interview, as my scores from the aptitude test must have been quite good, and they had an opening.

After the interview I was offered a job as a Trainee Computer Operator, which I eagerly accepted.  I was in heaven!

The period before a Trainee Computer Operator lost the “trainee” tag was twelve months, but my enthusiasm and interest in the job meant I completed my trainee period in just eight months, the first time that had been achieved.  I used to take 300 page manuals home to study and then take notes as I went through page by page – I just loved the whole thing.  I wanted to learn, and apply what I had learned.  It would be fair to say that I amazed some people.

Eventually, thanks to a really good friend who “sang my praises”, I was approached by the programming team upstairs and asked if I would like to apply to become a Systems Programmer, as I showed such promise and enthusiasm.

I was excited, to say the least, and after a brief and very informal interview I landed the role and found myself upstairs as a Trainee Systems Programmer, with my own desk and computer screen which was wonderful!  The operators who I used to work with were delighted with my promotion, not just for me, but now they had someone who could champion their cause and give priority to their needs.

The first year was training to use the systems and learning to code in the core language called ALGOL.  The team around me were very supportive and my enthusiasm never waned.  I created my first Unisys “A-Series” computer software system called POX25 (Post Office X25) which would be used for many years.

After that first year, again I lost the “trainee” tag and became a fully-fledged Systems Programmer.  A few years later GCS transitioned to be owned and operated by the American computer giant EDS, and my title changed to “Systems Engineer (Software Advanced)”.  Very flash!  Business cards too!  Although I think I might have only given out five.  I even wore a suit, although I’m not sure I looked that good in it, but it seemed like a good idea, and it made choosing what clothes to wear each and every day a lot easier.

The work was always interesting, I loved it.  I achieved a great deal, and helped a lot of people.  I even came second for the company’s employee of the year award thanks to being nominated by my operator friends.

I made some big mistakes though, but then everyone did – that was just the way it was.  I stayed in that job until the middle of 1998, having to leave because of my mental illness flaring up (which I explain further on).  It was the best job I could have ever hoped to have.

In 2001, I worked for Unisys (another American company) doing the same kind of work I had done at EDS, but I was a little out of my depth as it was a completely new area of expertise, one that I wasn’t that accustomed to.  Being a contractor brought with it a number of new and important responsibilities as well, including looking after my own tax.

Because I had been out of the picture as far as the technology was concerned (I hadn’t been involved in those systems for three years), I was a bit rusty.  However, I worked there for eight months until my contract ended.  It must be said that I didn’t actually achieve that much!  And even though I was very well paid, I didn’t manage to save much either.

In 2005, I started working doing general duties at a printing firm (owned by my then brother-in-law).  It was pretty much manual labour, driving from one place to the next, delivering heavy boxes etc., and running machinery.  I’m glad I took the leap and did it though, but it was really just a stopgap until something more suitable came along, and eventually something did.

Later that year, I landed a job as a web designer for a small local Russian owned company and worked there for about six months.  The job came about because of a work scheme run by the Ministry of Social Development to help people with disabilities get back into work.  I have bipolar disorder and was genuinely grateful for the opportunity.  For the most part, I have been on the benefit since I was twenty-eight.

That job was perfect for me, and I learned some fascinating and very useful web design techniques such as PHP, MySQL and JavaScript, to name a few.  Even though I was on the minimum wage, it was like paid training, something I would find beneficial in the years to come.

In 2008, I started my very own small-scale web design endeavour, gaining work through word-of-mouth and the occasional newspaper advertisement, where I am most grateful to a property developer I helped who gave me work opportunities for many years.

Web design has been an interest of mine since 1997, even though I would call myself more of an enthusiastic amateur these days, rather than a programmer, designer or entrepreneur.  Now I just check my emails, tinker with social media, write and blog, do what I need to do, and enjoy being creative when the creative energy and inspiration is there, doing no coding whatsoever.  I am appalled that Microsoft have chosen to discontinue Publisher!

My experience with mental illness

At the age of twenty-three I suddenly left my well-paying job at GCS and travelled to the South Island, with no thought of how I would support myself afterwards.  I felt as though I could “hurry up” my spiritual progress, but it certainly wasn’t altogether rational.

After I returned from my unplanned excursion, I felt utterly lost, and after contacting my then manager, hoping, I was able to get my job back.  He was delighted actually.  I didn’t realise it then, nor did anyone else, but this was a sign that not everything was how it should be in my life.

A year later when I was twenty-four I experienced mental illness for the first time, and went downhill rapidly, quickly going into a state of psychosis and what I would describe as “serious mental trauma”.  I ended up in Wellington Hospital on the mental health ward where I needed to stay for three months, being diagnosed with a psycho-effective disorder.

I didn’t recognise the importance of medication thinking because of my spiritual interests it was a chemical that would be bad for my spiritual and physical purity, so I chose not to take it, with no-one being any the wiser.  This was the reason I was in hospital for three months, even though thankfully everything worked out in the end.

My parents were incredible.  They drove thirty minutes nearly every evening and on the weekends to see me.  On one or two occasions I turned them away thinking I would give them some sort of terrible illness just by being around me, which was traumatic for me, and it would have been hard for them too of course.  It was an indicator of my unwell mental state, being completely out-of-touch with reality.  It was awful.  The whole situation was so incredibly difficult for everyone, as you might imagine.

After coming out of hospital I returned to work.  I decided to start taking the medication, strangely enough for the first time ever, trying to do the right thing, but this only lasted one day as the side-effects were so awful I could barely function, with no chance of being able to work.  The medication was totally wrong for me.  I needed an alternative.  Rather than talk this over with my psychiatrist, I chose instead to come off that medication completely, meaning once again I was on no medication whatsoever.

I was fine until 1998 until I became unwell again and chose to leave my job once more, and as a result I ended up back in hospital, this time at Hutt Hospital, suffering from delusional thoughts and having some very strange ideas.

In 1999, when I was twenty-eight, I experienced my first depressive episode where I often thought of taking my own life, and feeling worthless for much (if not all) of the time.  I was like that for eight months.  My psychiatrist was wonderful though, and she and my incredible mental health support team helped see me through.

Gradually I came right, but I was still refusing to take my medication even though everyone thought that I was.  In 2001, I landed a job with a computer company in the city, Unisys, like I mentioned earlier.  I was there for eight months and then became unwell again.

This time I experienced mania – a manic high.  I was readmitted to hospital, and my diagnosis changed to bipolar disorder.

Between 2001 and 2003 I must have been admitted to hospital six or seven times, every time with mania or psychosis.  On two occasions I even disappeared from the ward and somehow ended up in Auckland, with some stories to tell from those episodes as well.

Let’s just say I had everyone including the police looking for me, not that I had done anything terribly wrong, but I was a risk, nonetheless, more to myself than anyone else, and having the police trying to track you down is standard practice if anyone “gets away” while under the mental health act.  I was even chaperoned twice on a plane from Auckland straight back to the mental health ward at Hutt Hospital.

I was still deceiving everyone and not taking my medication, but finally the doctors caught up with me.  Realising I wasn’t taking my meds they gave me an anti-psychotic injection, and for the first time in three years, I saw clearly.

It was like looking into a mirror, where I could see all my inappropriate, embarrassing, and out-of-control behaviour.  It was a revelation.  I can even now remember the exact moment that “reality” took hold for me.  Since 2003 I have had three other admissions, one of these for not taking my medication, going against everyone’s advice, the choice to do so being rooted in delusion for a reason I can’t even remember.

In 2010, I had the good fortune to listen to an audio podcast where I realised that for the seven years since 2003 when I first started on my anti-psychotic injection (550 “jabs” administered so far and counting), there was a good chance I may have been clinically depressed.  I talked to my psychiatrist, and she recommended that I try an anti-depressant, and this helped greatly.  Even though I still had my “ups and downs”, I was much more settled than I was before.

It is difficult, and it has been traumatic at times, but I wouldn’t want to change anything that has happened to me.  If someone was to say, “I can take it all away Jason as if it never happened”, I would say in return in no uncertain terms, “No thanks, everything that happened was perfect for me, and I wouldn’t want to change a thing.  I have learned so much, and I’m a better person now than I could have ever been without it.”

I have seen a different side of life that I feel fortunate to have experienced.  It has taught me a lot about compassion, tolerance and understanding, and of course I’m not alone in feeling this way.

My interest in spirituality

I have been interested in “all things spiritual” since I was twenty-one, when I became involved in an eastern-style meditation group in 1992 through a friend.  I was captivated by the stories of Indian saints and so on, the mysterious powers they had, and a whole new world of wonder opened up for me.

As I wrote in my story “Ganeshpuri” earlier, I even travelled to India to meet the leader of this eastern spiritual group, the guru, and spent a month there in the ashram.  It was an unforgettable experience.

In 1994, I moved away from this yoga-based teaching partly because I had grown out of the whole “bow to the guru” philosophy, but also because my life and spiritual situation had changed, and a new spiritual opportunity presented itself.

Between 1994 and 2001 I followed a different kind of teaching, where my “inner life” was tested on occasions as I learned, grew, and unfolded spiritually, but it was all worth it, and it changed my life for the better.

In 1998, I had one of my most powerful spiritual experiences where I experienced a new way of looking at things, communed with God and understood His nature, and I discovered some of what lay ahead in the future.  Basically, it was a short amount of time being in a high state of consciousness.

From 2005, I began to travel my own spiritual path without any sort of formal teaching or spiritual support whatsoever.  During this time, I had many profound and beautiful experiences which kept me moving forward, and I gained more confidence and felt happier knowing I was gaining an inner strength, and that God was in my life in a noticeable way.

Exercise

For the most part I’ve never really made any concerted or deliberate effort to exercise, to my detriment I imagine.  The closest I got to really trying to improve my fitness was when I belonged to a gym, which may have been for about a year.

Getting up at 5:30am to do my reps and use the equipment before I went to work was a challenge at times, but I enjoyed it for the most part, although I struggled to stay motivated towards the end.  Paying the full subscription cost for what became infrequent visits didn’t work that well for me either.  I did feel better for it though, although I wasn’t too inspired by the weights as I loved the idea of not being “out of puff” much more.

Sitting behind a desk for a job and not having too much time to spare meant I never really got to put the fitness I gained into practice, but I’ve seen people really enjoy their gym sessions, which makes me wonder if I should have persisted a little longer.

If you exercise or keep active yourself, you will know what works for you, and I have what works for me, but regardless I enjoy getting out in the fresh air when I can, which is something I think most of us have in common.

I found myself doing lot of walking in the late 90’s and early 2000’s, which I really didn’t think too much about, I just did it.  I felt like every day was an adventure, I just wanted to get out and about, do things that inspired me, have experiences, and see where life guided me.  It was a very spiritual time for me, and feeling like I was connected to something greater than myself was a real motivation.

From 2004 my mental health went downhill significantly, so I didn’t do much walking at all, although I’m sure it would have helped if I had made the effort.  My mental health support team tried to get me motivated, but I found it all too difficult.

Part of that time I was suffering from clinical depression, which would have been the main contributing factor towards my lack of enthusiasm I think.  During those years while I stayed at home most of the time, the world moved on.

I put on weight too.  In the end, around 2010, I made a concerted effort and lost about 17kg.  Some people remarked how much better I looked for it, and I felt ten times better for it too.  I still wasn’t making any concerted effort to exercise though, but I was walking without thinking about it as part of everyday life, which was positive, but choosing to use the car everywhere I could.

So yes, a couch potato, that was me for so many years.  It changed around 2016 when I found myself motivated to explore more of the region by train just like the good old days of the 2000’s.  I loved it, and still do, and walking and public transport became a “thing” for me again.

In the end, from struggling to walk around the block, with short walks like that being perfect as well, with some foresight and preparation as well as my regular 8km circuits I like to think I can manage 10-20km’s in a single day at the cricket, and all around Wellington’s CBD as well to make the most of the outing.

I may not be an Olympian, but I’m doing better than I used to, and on top of that, daily walks with my 86-year-old mother which she absolutely loves is wonderful to be able to do, knowing just how beneficial it is for her especially.

From what I have heard, walking is the best form of exercise, and that there is so much to be gained, and I wouldn’t argue.  I find it quite meditative too, a chance to clear and refresh my mind, and new ideas arise from seemingly nowhere on occasions as well, even some relating to this book.

Considering I’m fifty-five as I write this now, that and the fact that I wasn’t overly active in my earlier years, these might be the two main reasons why walking suits me so well.  Saying that, I know I could do something more intense if it wasn’t for a slight niggle.

Having had another health issue for six months where I wasn’t able to do much walking at all, walking for the most part isn’t something I take for granted as much as I might have in the past.  The treatment I received was another example of where the healthcare service, my GP, and the nursing team worked wonders to get me up-and-going again.

Finally

Why not write down your own life’s highlights and moments of change that helped shape you as a person and share these to inspire others?  Only as you feel comfortable of course, and as you feel inspired within yourself to do.

Your story is as important as anyone else’s, and mine is no more important than yours.

Thank you for listening,

Jason