by Jason Remfrey
I have bipolar disorder, but I like to think of it as a “gift”. Here are poems relating to some of my experiences relating to my illness.
Admission
Damaged heart I had
That sent me into ill
Darkness enveloped me
With confusion I was filled
Madness it enshrined me
Help needed from above
Telephone to guide me
So far away from love
Friend he took me in
All the way to Wellington
Hospital I was put in
I thought that I had sinned
Medication they gave me
I’d hide it under tongue
I thought it would hinder me
So I was there for three whole months
Delusions spun around
End of world had come
Little did I know
That healing had begun
Depression
Not able to wash a glass
I’d just used
It just seemed all too much
My confidence was bruised
Songs they had no meaning
And they gave me no joy
Music lacked its lustre
No longer would it buoy
Suicide I thought of
Thought I had done wrong
I thought I was not needed
Though it wouldn’t be too long
Before it all would lift
Eight months in all
But dark times they were
So much I had to toil
Relapse
Quit my job I did
While they said that I was wrong
Still I had my guidance
It proved true and made me strong
Organic food I ate
Travelled far by foot
Karma was my enemy
I was writing a new book
Conversation not entered
Questions only would I answer
Each command unquestionable
Not long though did it last for
Hospital for me
Needed time to recover
But when I was out
Truth I would discover
Elevation
Spending every penny
Delusions of grandeur
Out all and every night
My senses I pandered
Never felt so good
Things looked bright
How was I to know
Reality was out of sight
People I let down
Although I was creative
Riding high I was
To many though destructive
In the cells I ended
Miles away from home
He’s in hospital again
People must have groaned
Finally got some help
That brought me back to earth
No more hiding pills
I recognised their worth
Stability
Mood is flat
But now I’m well
No longer swayed
By madness’s spell
Now I just wait
For my time to come
When in my heart
God’s song is sung
Won’t complain for all I’ve had
I wouldn’t give it up
For all I’ve experienced
I feel it has only filled my cup

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Photograph’s © 2021 Karen Meagher, Alderney, Channel Islands, UK